My journal is still open to a blank page. I need to write something. A memory. My mother told me, “If there comes a time in your life when you feel there is a blank page, either glimpse into the future, or travel back to memories.”
October 2010
Memories. I have many of those. The first one that comes to mind is this –It was a day in the middle of winter. The snow had fallen and there was just enough to leave footprints. I was sixteen years old. The scent of fresh pine needles brushing against my sleeve and my wicker basket. I told father that I was picking holly leaves. I found them intriguing. I wanted to make a wreath for our mantle; a gift for the two of them. I came upon a Holly tree and lying beneath was a red ribbon in the snow. The ribbon was silk and was long enough to wear wrapped in someone’s hair. I looked around, but no one was there. I tied it to the basket and began picking holly leaves. The only part about picking those leaves is the sharp edges that sting. I wanted to make that wreath and I wanted it to be perfect. The basket was finally full and I decided to look for sturdy branches. When that was all done I began walking home. I realized I hadn’t come alone. There were paw prints in the snow. They were large and followed behind me until it stopped a few feet back from the holly tree. Beads of sweat gathered on my lip and forehead. I couldn’t make out what kind of animal this was or why it had followed without hurting me. Then a branch broke just behind me. I turned slowly to see a white wolf breathing steadily into the cold air. His eyes were hazel and he stared into mine as if he knew me. Looking back now, I cannot tell you why I didn’t run. I only reached out and placed my hand on his head. He leaned into me and breathed in and out deeply and slowly. I stood there a long time almost afraid to move; not because I was scared of him, but because I felt as if he was lonely. His nose pushed into my side nudging me away. It was almost as if he knew that I needed to go. As soon as I turned to leave he howled and I ran and didn’t look back.
-That’s all I remember from that day. It was frighteningly beautiful. The wolf was there with a purpose that day. He was protecting me from Nicholas. I didn’t know Nicholas then, he only knew of me.
Janie G.
I closed the journal and then my eyes. The air had gotten colder and there was a fire burning close by. A nearby neighbor burning fall leaves. It’s such a shame to burn what has fallen from trees. I love to hear the sound of leaves crushed beneath my feet. The feeling of lying down on cool earth and twirling a leaf between your fingertips while the sky holds new sun is a perfect moment. A peaceful moment. Something I have wished for, for a very long time. When I open my eyes, I see Daniel sitting below on the picnic table. His heart is steady and his breathing is steady. His mood, dark. No doubt in my mind that I am the cause of this. I have shut him out because I love him. He deserves to know the truth, but he deserves life more than truth.
